Letting Go

When something happens to you that shakes your understanding of the future and all the plans you had laid out, it takes a while to accept the new way things are.

Last Day of Work

This past Friday was my last day at work, a company I've been with for six years. It was strange to leave on second shift around 1 AM, only one person to say goodbye to before walking out the door.  This time was less painful than leaving my Kansas City lab family in September, not being able to see anyone on a regular basis due to the distance. The people here are only a phone call away, and staying in touch is going to be much easier since we're in the same state.

For those that are interested in the banal details of my work: between January and the start of March, I was working roughly 5 PM to 11 PM on weekdays, and another five to six hours at varying times on Sunday. Saturday was my one day off, and it regularly involved going to one our parents' house and sleeping all day while they watched D. I would nap twice a day during the week (when D went down for naps), and H and I would trade off taking care of the baby during the night.  H didn't have the luxury of sleeping during the day, so I would try to cover nighttime bottles as much as possible.

But then at the start of March circumstances changed at work, and I was suddenly pulling 7 PM to 2 AM shifts. This was inevitably what caused me to quit. I could not take care of a baby full time as well as working half a night shift. I relied on family to watch D during the mornings so I could sleep in, but they have lives as well and couldn't do it every day. I don't blame them for it either - their help was a blessing, that extra sleep is what kept me going for so long.

So I've been 'recovering' this week from work.

Monday was the worst (isn't Monday always the worst?). I had terrible, interrupted sleep the night before - apparently I tend to dream about D falling off the bed and I have to sit up and slam my arms down on the comforter in order to save him. Getting back to sleep afterwards was awful. So on Monday I decided to only nap once in the morning to try and force myself to have better sleep at night. It worked, although I was exhausted. I've been only doing one nap for the rest of the days this week.

I can hear it now:  "You get TWO naps during the day, and you're complaining about only getting ONE?"  Yeah, I am. My sleep schedule is all messed up (see above), and while I'm working on getting it back on track you betcha I'm going to soak up all that good naptime sleep. Maybe one day I won't need to sleep during the day to make sure I can adequately take care of my offspring, but today is not that day.

When I told people I was quitting my job in order to be a stay-at-home-mom, I got two responses. Either "Wow, I'd love to stay at home and do nothing all day,"  or  "Wow, that's going to be a big responsibility."  Obviously I prefer the latter, but I understand the former response coming from someone who doesn't have children, or who did but had to work in order to support their family. I didn't understand until it happened to me, to be honest.

There's definitely something that happens mentally (and hey, maybe it's all the hormones during pregnancy), that rewires your immediate or subconscious or passive thoughts from I'm looking out for myself  to  If I don't take care of this child first, before anyone else, the world will end. Fiercely protective, I'd say.  Since I'm only nine and a half months into this beautiful thing called Motherhood, perhaps that feeling will subside a bit down the road. Perhaps it happens when the kiddo can start taking care of itself, that it no longer depends on you for everything. 

Until then, I'm pouring everything I have into this handsome, bright, smiling work of art that tests my every limit. Uncle Dave had it right: "It's going to be the most challenging, most difficult thing you've ever done. But it's also going to be the most rewarding." 

Summer Fun

This past Sunday, H and I ventured into North Kansas City to sample some grub off of a group of food trucks. For a $15 ticket you could try three things from any of the seven trucks that were on site.

H's first taste from KC Pinoy. Chicken adobo (thighs marinated in vinegar, garlic, soy sauce),
flower-cut carrots, and rice. The chicken was melt-in-your-mouth good, and it came with this sauce
on top that added just a bit of tang. It set the bar pretty high for the rest of the trucks.  

My first taste  from Plantain District. Cubano sandwich (pork, ham, swiss cheese, thin-sliced
pickles, secret green sauce) with plantain chips. The sandwich was absolutely divine, and
the plantain chips were perfectly fried. Would order again and again. 

After our first two samplings (lunch portions, really, but I'm not complaining), we took a walk around the park where the food trucks were located. The walking trail around Macken Park takes you just over a mile to complete, and it's made out of some bouncy material that must be heaven for runners. We made one lap and headed back to the trucks for round two.

H's next order from Helen's on Wheels. H is always on the lookout for a good Cuban sandwich.
He said this one was okay, but it doesn't compete with Velvet Taco's Cuban taco.
Proving that the best foods are taco-based. 

My second sample was from Booyah. Grilled chicken with a curry sauce, coleslaw, and rice.
The chicken was good, but didn't beat out the competition that day.
The coleslaw was nice and fresh. 

H and I used our last ticket punch on the same truck, CoffeCakeKC. We were both stuffed,
so we didn't mind that the portion size was pretty small compared to the other trucks 
(strawberry smoothie and a tiny cupcake). H had the red velvet cupcake (divine!) 
while I had the pink champagne cupcake (average). 

There was also a food truck with burgers, but if I'm going to get something from a food truck, it's not going to be a burger. And there was an ice cream truck, which I suppose technically counts as a food truck, but it didn't hold much interest for me.

H and I will sit outside on the weekends and play card games, enjoying the beautiful weather Kansas City tends to have. We'll play cribbage, gin, ... okay, just those two games. But it's nice to just play a card game and be outside.

This weekend we came up with what we're calling Texas Cribbage. It's the two-player version of the game, except you're dealt twelve cards and have to discard four into the crib.  The card playing portion is the same (points for 15, 31, pairs, runs, etc.), and counting your hands and the crib are the same, although you do run into extravagant runs and multiple fifteen-two scenarios.

The one other mechanic we changed was how to determine the winner. I suppose you could up the final win total from 120 points to 240, but it's easy to reach that within two hands.  Instead, whoever is ahead by 50 points when it's not their crib is declared the winner (since the crib is an obvious points advantage).  I just won a game with a 9, 10, two Jacks, three Queens, and two Kings. Counting up the points on that hand was a doozy.

Hope all of you are having a restful Memorial Day weekend. I can't wait for these next four work days to go flying by so we can get to another two days off.

Winter Chill.

We've been having wonderfully chilly weather as of late, but today was the first snowfall that I've witnessed since we moved. It was just a light dusting, the snowflakes were more like airy pebbles than actual flakes, but it warranted an early morning walk outside. Why the sound of snow crunching underneath your feet puts me in such a happy mood, I can't say. H was trying to discuss the news about Finland attempting to start using basic income, and how it would be an ideal trial nation since the European Union could bail out the country if their finances went sideways, but all I kept thinking about was that crunch crunch crunch (and I suppose I thought it would be interesting to see what mechanics of society basic income affected - rent, groceries, drive for employment?).

We were the first ones to venture out in the cold. 

We were in the homestretch when we turned a corner and the cold north wind nearly iced our faces off. I started walking backwards and told H to do the same, but he said one of us had to see where we were going, which I suppose is true. Wouldn't want to accidentally run back-first into any abominable snowmen.

My baby tulip tree has the fuzziest buds right now. 

Covert ops shot of the neighbors snow-stricken houses. 

When we got back to the house I opted to do some backyard investigating (snow angel making and knocking snow off of still objects) while H amused himself by watching my investigations. I was able to lose his interest when I jumped the fence and made my way to the front of house.

You never realize how pointy your shoes are until you see the tracks in the snow. 

It was here at this spot I reached down with my bare fingers,
picked up a small mound of snow, and tossed it into my mouth.
Tasted just like I remembered.  

I've started walking around the duck pond during lunch again. I had stopped for a while, thinking it would be more like a rest to sit for a while. Turns out it's quite nice to breathe intensely cold air while walking at a brisk pace. Let's you think through a number of things without other people unintentionally interrupting your train of thought. And you get to work on your Making A Murderer theories.

That would be our resident gaggle of geese. They're cute until they crap all over the
parking lot and you literally have to walk through crap to get to work. It's a minefield. 

On Friday's walk around the pond there weren't any geese, just the small team of ducks that live like trolls under the bridge. I stopped to take a picture of them paddling away from me when the whole lot of them careened portside and made a beeline for me. I wasn't so pretentious to think that they were actually aiming their bills at me until they began climbing up the steep embankment and honking their displeasure at my lack of bread. I believe I said, "I'm sorry, I don't have anything for you," and walked away down the path. After a few minutes, I saw they had gotten back in the water and were paddling towards my general direction.

Well, I obviously out-locomotioned them as I made my way around the wide oval path, but when I peeked around the next turn there they were at the water's edge. They ended up following me en-water the whole fifteen minutes it took me to make a loop around the path. I felt both special and sad, for I had nothing to give them for all their effort. As I exited the walkway, another bipedal took up the gauntlet and away they went. What single-minded ducks.

Looks like we might get another snow dusting on Tuesday. Stay tuned for evidence of snowman sightings.

Post snow romp. 

It's the Holiday Season.

We have a bottle of Royal's Champagne. Or we did.
I'll have to check with H on that.  

The holiday season is upon us. Someone at work mentioned how happy they were that people were telling them Merry Christmas! at the end of phone calls instead of Happy Holidays!, which made me think of something. When has any one person said to another, Seasons Greetings! I guess that ended up as a saying corporations used in emails and newsletters to employees and clients so as not to offend their sensible natures.

At any rate, that means it's time for eggnog! Do you happen to know where the best eggnog in the world lives? Braums. That glorious thick, rich, spiced nog. One day at lunchtime I opened up my maps app and searched for that establishment. Turns out the closest one is two hours away from my house. What a disaster. So what's a Chuck to do in such a predicament?

Eggnog Taste Test. I do learn from the best, and this particular idea comes from my dad. You need to have tiny paper cups, multiple options, and most importantly, you need to make it a blind taste test.

The Setup. 

I picked 8 nogs of different brand and price value, and brought them to work for a proper sample size. Each eggnog was given a different number, people sampled the wares, and a consensus was reached.

The Results. 

Two of my coworkers had never, ever, ever had eggnog. I believe after this experiment, they have been converted. If you look closely, eggnog #2 (Anderson Erickson Classic) was the clear winner with eight out of fourteen votes (that's over 57%, which is positively presidential). If you look even closer, you'll see that one of the nogs was produced by Silk, that soymilk brand. And yes, I was laughing maniacally on the inside while everyone tried this variety. My personal favorite was undecided; I couldn't pick between #2 and #8. Both were of similar consistency, spice, and sweetness. Although, I suppose #2 did have a je ne se qua, a certain richness the others didn't. So in the end, #2 wins.

The Leftovers. 

Now that I knew which was my favorite, I didn't bloody well need eight kinds of eggnog roaming around my fridge at home. I asked people to take their favorite, then I put these two noggins in the fridge for the night crew. And they were never seen again.

Oh! I forgot to mention - I brought pretzels to have as palate cleansers in between the samples. The salt and relative cracker-ness of the snack worked incredibly well to ensure accurate tasting. These were my sorbets, if you will.

The In-Betweens. 

We were lucky enough to attend the Royals' Front Office Christmas Party this past Thursday. The event was held at a hotel near the Plaza, and it was quite lovely. There were a few speeches by the owner, general manager, and manager, followed by a buffet-style dinner.

The tablescape. 

I almost sat down at the Reserved table - turns out that's where the owner and family sit. Luckily, H noticed and directed me to an open table. I still think I could've taken a centerpiece home without anyone noticing.

Our view over the Plaza.

Just sittin' in a sleigh. 

This design was in the lower floor of the hotel. We captured this gem on our way out of the building, with no one around to stop us. As I went to sit down on the "bench", I realized this sleigh wasn't actually meant for sitting on, and had to pop a squat to get this picture. A million times worth it.

I hope every single one of you enjoy your time off from work, your family, and your friends. See you all in the new year!